The humble question that opens the door to healing, grace, and restored relationships.
The title of this blog came from three different thoughts that have stayed with me over the years.
The first goes back at least a decade. I read Seven Mile Miracle by Stephen Furtick, a book that walks through the seven statements Jesus made from the cross. One of those statements has always stood out to me: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Jesus modeled forgiveness in the middle of unimaginable pain.
Furtick also reminds readers of Jesus’ sobering words that if we refuse to forgive others, our Heavenly Father will not forgive us. That truth should cause every believer to pause. Forgiveness isn’t optional. It’s at the very heart of the Christian life.
One of the practical challenges Furtick gave was to make a list of people you know you’ve wronged and then go ask them for forgiveness. After much contemplation and prayer, I made my list and it had seven names on it. By God’s grace, I’ve been able to make things right with six of those seven people. The seventh person, I simply haven’t been able to find.
So, Philip, from our Young Adult Ministry days, if by some chance you’re reading this, please reach out to me. I’d love the opportunity to ask for your forgiveness.
The second thought came from my Monday morning Bible study. I’m by far the youngest man in the group. I’m 54 years old, while the average age is around 74, with several men in their 80s. One morning the conversation turned toward the twilight years of life. Several of the men talked about thinking through relationships they still needed to make right before they met the Lord.
That conversation was a powerful reminder to me. Don’t wait. Pride, busyness, and time have a way of convincing us there will always be another opportunity. The truth is, none of us are promised tomorrow. If there’s something that needs to be made right today, today is the day to do it.
The third thought came from a book I recently finished, Think You’ll Be Happy by Nicole Avant. In it, she tells the heartbreaking story of her mother, who was murdered in her home at 80 years old. Before her mother’s death, she asked Nicole a question that has stayed with me ever since:
“Is there anything that I need to ask you to forgive me for?”
What an incredibly humble question for a parent to ask their child.
Nicole began sharing things, some small, some significant. Her mother’s willingness to ask created an opportunity for healing that many families never experience.
Those three experiences bring me to this blog.
As somewhat of a public figure, over the years I’ve interacted with thousands of people through ministry, work, politics, social media, radio, public service, and public speaking. With that many interactions, I have to think that somewhere along the way I’ve undoubtedly offended people.
As I’ve searched my own heart, I honestly cannot think of anyone I’ve intentionally tried to hurt or anyone against whom I’m holding a grudge. But I also recognize that intentions don’t erase impact. It’s entirely possible that I’ve said something, done something, overlooked someone, or handled a situation poorly without ever realizing the hurt it caused.
In fact, not long ago someone commented on one of my Facebook posts about an interaction we’d had years earlier. I didn’t even remember it. But after hearing their perspective, I apologized and asked for their forgiveness.
So I’d like to ask you the same question Nicole Avant’s mother asked her daughter.
“Is there anything that I need to ask you to forgive me for?”
If I’ve offended you, hurt you, disappointed you, or wronged you in any way, I would genuinely like to know. Not so I can defend myself, explain my intentions, or tell my side of the story, but so I can listen, own whatever I need to own, and ask for your forgiveness.
The Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 12:18 (NIV), “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” I realize peace requires two people, and I can’t control another person’s response. But I can do everything within my power to make things right.
So, if that’s you, if I’ve offended you somehow, would you please shoot me an email at alex@alexbryant.org? I’d be grateful for the opportunity to listen, ask for your forgiveness, and, if possible, make things right.
Life is simply too short, and God’s grace has been far too generous to me, for me to leave broken relationships unaddressed. As far as it depends on me, I want to live at peace with everyone.
Word…
Alex Bryant is a pastor, author, and speaker who writes about race, faith, and culture in America.
