Leaning into wisdom when engaging in conversation
One of the reasons I use Facebook is to teach, coach, motivate, and inspire people. Not everyone agrees with what I have to say, and that’s okay. I am a strong believer in freedom of speech. Most of the time, I let people say what they want, even when they disagree with me.
Over the years, however, I have learned that not every conversation is worth having.
There are some people I have simply decided are not worth going back and forth with. It is not because I dislike them. It is not because I think I am better than them. It is because they do not understand my mission as a Christian, and many of them are not interested in understanding it. They are not looking for a conversation. They are looking for a confrontation.
That is why I take to heart what Solomon wrote:
“Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words.” Proverbs 23:9 (NKJV)
I also appreciate how other translations capture the same truth:
- “Don’t waste your breath on fools, for they will despise the wisest advice.” Proverbs 23:9 (NLT)
- “Don’t talk to fools. They will make fun of you.” Proverbs 23:9 (CEV)
- “Don’t try to talk sense to a fool. He can’t appreciate it.” Proverbs 23:9 (GNT)
Notice that Solomon is not telling us to avoid people who disagree with us. He is warning us about people who reject wisdom itself. There is a difference between someone who is honestly seeking truth and someone who is committed to arguing no matter what is said.
Jesus understood this principle. He taught, answered questions, and engaged with people. Yet there were times when He refused to be drawn into pointless debates. He knew that some hearts were open and some were closed. In fact, after teaching a parable, Jesus would often conclude by saying, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” He presented the truth and left the responsibility with the listener. In other words, if you get it, you get it. If your heart is open, receive it. If not, He was not going to chase people down and argue them into belief. He understood that truth can be presented, but it cannot be forced upon someone who has no desire to receive it.
The older I get, the more I realize that wisdom is not just knowing what to say. Wisdom is also knowing when to stop talking.
I have made the mistake of spending hours trying to convince people who had no desire to listen. Looking back, those conversations rarely produced understanding. They usually produced frustration. I walked away drained, and neither side was any closer to the truth.
Now, before I engage in a debate, I try to ask myself a few questions:
- Is this person seeking understanding or simply looking for an argument?
- Is this conversation producing fruit or just creating frustration?
- Is this the best use of my time, energy, and attention?
These questions have saved me from a lot of unnecessary conflict.
As Christians, we are called to speak the truth in love. We are called to be witnesses. We are called to share wisdom. But we are not called to win every argument on the internet. We are not responsible for changing every mind. Sometimes the wisest thing we can do is plant a seed, speak the truth, and move on.
Not everyone wants wisdom. Not everyone wants truth. Some people simply want to argue.
When that happens, remember the counsel of Proverbs 23:9. There comes a point when continuing the conversation is no longer productive. There comes a point when wisdom says it is time to walk away.
And sometimes, walking away is not weakness at all.
Sometimes it is wisdom.
Word…
Alex Bryant is a pastor, author, and speaker who writes about race, faith, and culture in America.
