A biblical look at the power of influence and intentional relationships
“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.”
That’s something our parents, teachers, coaches, and other adults would tell us growing up. And while we may have rolled our eyes at it back then, there was a lot of wisdom in those words. It matters who you hang around with. It matters who you listen to. It matters who you allow to influence your life.
I saw this firsthand growing up.
Some of the kids who were my best friends when I was younger went on to make decisions that weren’t good. One of my best friends eventually overdosed on drugs. I learned pretty early in life that it mattered who I hung out with and what environments I put myself in.
I can remember spending the night at the house of one of my good friends. His mom was out of town, and he decided to throw a party. Before long, dozens of people showed up. The house pretty much got trashed. I remember looking around and realizing, this isn’t where I need to be. That was the last time I ever spent the night at his house.
Those lessons weren’t always easy, but they taught me something that has stayed with me throughout my life: You have to choose your friends carefully.
The Bible puts it this way:
“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
Proverbs 12:26 NIV
Notice the word “choose.”
Relationships shouldn’t always just happen to us. There are people we should love, care about, minister to, work with, and be kind to, but that doesn’t mean everybody should have the same level of access to our lives.
And this isn’t just something we need to teach our kids. It matters just as much for adults.
Who are you spending your time with? Who are you allowing to speak into your life? Who do you call when you need advice? Who are you going into business with? Who are you fellowshipping with? Who are the people whose opinions carry weight with you? Those are choices, and that’s what the righteous do. They choose their friends carefully. They are intentional about who they allow to have influence in their lives.
Because whether we realize it or not, the people around us influence us.
And that’s why the second half of the verse matters too: “the way of the wicked leads them astray.” Spend enough time around negative people, and negativity can start sounding normal. Spend enough time around people who compromise their values, and compromise can start looking reasonable. Spend enough time around people who make excuses, and eventually you may start making excuses too. Little by little, if we aren’t careful about who is influencing us, we can find ourselves being led astray.
But the opposite is also true.
Spend time around people who challenge you, and you’ll grow. Spend time around people who pursue God, and they’ll encourage you to pursue Him too. Spend time around people of integrity, wisdom, discipline, and character, and those qualities have a way of rubbing off on you.
This doesn’t mean we isolate ourselves from people who don’t believe like us. Jesus certainly didn’t do that. We are called to love people and reach people. But there is a difference between being around someone so you can influence them and allowing someone to influence you.
That distinction matters.
Proverbs doesn’t say the righteous choose their friends accidentally. It says they choose them carefully.
So maybe it’s worth asking yourself: Who has my ear? Who has access to my heart? Who is shaping the way I think? Who am I becoming because of the people I spend the most time with?
You may not be a kid anymore, but that lesson your parents tried to teach you still applies.
Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.
Choose carefully.
Alex Bryant is a pastor, author, and speaker who writes about race, faith, and culture in America.
