Choosing a Spirit-Led Response in a Reaction-Driven World
Triggered. Gaslighted. Rage baited. These are terms we hear constantly today. Someone says something we don’t like, posts something offensive, challenges us, or pushes the right button, and immediately we say, “They triggered me.” Or, “They’re gaslighting me.” Or, “They’re just rage baiting me.”
And sometimes people absolutely are trying to provoke or manipulate us. They know exactly what they’re doing. But here’s what I want us to understand: **they may control what they say, but they don’t have to control how we respond. Don’t give your power away.**
Whether someone is trying to provoke you, manipulate you, or simply offend you, you still have responsibility for your response. We may not control what happens to us, but we can learn to control how we respond to it. That is part of emotional and spiritual maturity.
The Bible addressed this long before we had words like “triggered,” “gaslighting,” or “rage baiting.”
“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” Proverbs 12:16 NIV
That’s pretty direct. A fool immediately reacts, while a prudent person knows how to govern themselves. To be prudent means to be wise, thoughtful, discerning, and self controlled. A prudent person understands that not everything deserves a response. Not every insult deserves your attention. Not every social media comment deserves your energy. Sometimes the most powerful response is simply no response at all.
I talk to my kids about this. Don’t let people rage bait you. Don’t let people trigger you. Don’t allow someone to push your buttons and then blame them for your reaction. And definitely don’t develop the habit of constantly announcing that someone else is triggering you, gaslighting you, or making you feel a certain way. Instead of spending all of our time identifying what everyone else is supposedly doing to us, we need to spend more time learning how to control ourselves.
Now, that doesn’t mean emotions are bad, and it certainly doesn’t mean we should ignore genuine hurt, manipulation, abuse, or unhealthy behavior. It means we refuse to surrender responsibility for our own response. Someone else’s bad behavior does not give us permission to behave badly.
For Christians, there is an even deeper truth. We aren’t expected to develop self control through willpower alone. Self control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.” Galatians 5:22–23 NIV
The Christian response isn’t, “Nothing bothers me.” The Christian response is, “What bothers me doesn’t have to control me.” If the Holy Spirit lives in us, someone else’s behavior doesn’t have to determine ours. Their anger doesn’t have to produce our anger. Their disrespect doesn’t have to produce our disrespect. Their foolishness doesn’t require us to join them in being foolish. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can learn to control our emotions instead of allowing our emotions to control us.
And we desperately need to teach this to our children. Our kids are growing up with an incredible vocabulary for describing what other people are doing to them. We need to give them an equally strong vocabulary for governing themselves. Teach them prudence. Teach them that they don’t have to react to everything, that being offended doesn’t require retaliation, and that someone can say something ridiculous and they can simply keep walking.
Emotional maturity means learning to govern yourself instead of constantly trying to control everyone around you. Spiritual maturity means understanding that through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can develop the self control necessary to choose our response.
You cannot always control what people say about you, what they post, whether they insult you, misunderstand you, criticize you, or even deliberately try to provoke you. But you can decide how you respond and what gets access to your emotions.
A fool is controlled by the moment. A prudent person is governed by wisdom. And a Spirit led person doesn’t hand someone else the keys to their emotions.
So don’t give your power away.
Be wise. Be self controlled. Be led by the Holy Spirit. Be prudent. 🙏🏽💯
Alex Bryant is a pastor, author, and speaker who writes about race, faith, and culture in America.
