Hotheads. That’s what they used to call them back in my day.
You know the type. Quick to pop off. Ready to fight. Always looking to escalate a situation instead of keeping it calm. They have a short fuse, a quick temper, and a habit of making bad situations even worse.
Wise parents warn their children about people like this because they can find themselves in trouble. They make decisions in the heat of the moment, act before they think, and are often forced to live with consequences they never saw coming.
As a matter of fact, the Holy Scriptures talk about these kinds of people as well:
“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.” (Proverbs 14:29, NIV)
The Bible says a quick temper displays folly, which can also mean foolishness, poor judgment, recklessness, and a lack of wisdom. In other words, losing your cool rarely makes a situation better. Most of the time, it makes it worse.
We recently saw a tragic example of this in the case of the young man who stabbed another high school student at a track meet. In the aftermath, many people have focused on the legal questions, the social issues, the racial issues, and the debates surrounding the case. While those conversations may have their place, I think we’re missing the bigger lesson.
One young man lost his life. Another young man will likely spend decades behind bars. Two families are devastated. Countless friends, classmates, teachers, and community members will carry the scars of that day for years to come.
And all of it happened in a matter of moments.
Think about that.
A few seconds of anger. A few seconds of poor judgment. A few seconds of recklessness. A few seconds without self control.
The book of Proverbs warns us about this very thing. A quick temper doesn’t demonstrate strength. It demonstrates folly. It demonstrates a failure to control our emotions and actions when the pressure is on.
I can’t help but wonder how different things might have been if this young man had been taught, and more importantly learned, the value of patience, self control, and walking away from conflict. None of us know exactly what was going through his mind in that moment, but we do know this: had cooler heads prevailed, one young man would still be alive and another would still have his freedom.
Parents, grandparents, coaches, pastors, teachers, and mentors, we must teach our children that strength is not found in throwing the first punch, shouting the loudest, or escalating a conflict. Real strength is found in self control.
We need to have these conversations early and often. We need to teach our children that not every insult requires a response. Not every challenge requires a fight. Not every disagreement needs to become a battle. Sometimes the strongest thing a person can do is walk away.
But our responsibility doesn’t stop with talking.
We must model it.
Our children are watching how we respond when we’re cut off in traffic. They’re watching how we react when someone criticizes us online. They’re watching how we handle disagreements with our spouse, coworkers, neighbors, and friends. They are learning from us whether maturity means escalating conflict or diffusing it.
If we want children who demonstrate patience, we must demonstrate patience. If we want children who exercise self control, we must exercise self control. If we want children who walk in wisdom, we must walk in wisdom ourselves.
The next generation doesn’t just need more rules. They need more examples.
Don’t be a hothead. Be wise enough to walk away.
Because sometimes a single moment of self control can change the entire course of a life.
Word…
Alex Bryant is a pastor, author, and speaker who writes about race, faith, and culture in America.
